


Feathery Douchebags: An Angel/Underworld Guide

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angels, Glitch FAQ, If You Are Playing Sburb, Read This If You Want To Live, non Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:42:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24058426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A guide to the least-liked quest line in all of Sburb and the dangers that lurk within, with a guide on how to deal with their particular kind of corruption. READ THE ORIGINAL GUIDE FIRST! https://archiveofourown.org/works/340777
Kudos: 12





	Feathery Douchebags: An Angel/Underworld Guide

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GodsGiftToGrinds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodsGiftToGrinds/gifts).



> OOC note: Keleviel (tenaciousTheseus) wrote 8 of the 9 Iron Laws, this writer has reworked their wording; tenpsy/Anthiena wrote one of the laws. This was written mostly by several members of the original Replay Value before it was shuttered. It was modified with input from members of the Sburb.org community and a Glitch FAQ-based roleplay. Anyone can feel free to use, modify or ignore as desired. This is not intended to be authorative though it does reflect how angels were portrayed in both Glitch FAQ and Replay Value. 
> 
> Best wishes to those who were or are a part of that part of the fandom.

Before we begin, I would like to thank all contributors unnamed and all others who have risked sanity and soul to get this information, as well as those who have suffered such things unwittingly or unwillingly. To those who have suffered their ravages and to those who have lost loved ones to them, the authors dedicate this FAQ.

-The Contributors: boundingBox, tenaciousTheseus and anonymous contributors.

**Feathery Douchebags: An Angelic and Underworld FAQ**

* * *

I’ve heard a lot of names for these creatures-Angels, sundemons, wendigo, winged sperm and others far less polite exist, I’m sure. For the sake of this guide, I’ll simply call them Angels as individual creatures. They are usually found in just one place, the Underworld. They have been known to fly around the Heart of the land and GGTG’s FAQ does a pretty good job of covering what happens in general down there. This FAQ covers what he does not and some of what he does in greater detail.

The reader can forget all they  _ think _ they know about angels from your pre-session. Chances are, most humans have in mind putti, fat baby angels, or tall, pretty and friendly angels from religious art. Even protective. This is actually not always the case, even then-and here? They are absolutely, hideously dangerous.

The Old Testament of most Earths and other documents of angels describe them in very psychedelic terms, such as wheels covered in eyes, orbs with wings and things of solid light “like metal in a forge”. For a good source on what angels are  _ really _ like in fiction, check out Neon Genesis Evangelion or Shin Megami Tensei. Read or play during the pre-session and get rid of them before the session begins. There’s a reason they reassured people to  _ not _ fear them.

For your use, here is a program that can check text and documents for corruption.

As a precautionary note, the Underworld quests are usually  _ entirely optional. _

**So what are these assholes, then?**

Angels are as a group, called  _ The Messenger Host of The Infinite Choir _ . For the younglings at home and hive, a host is an army. Usually, this gets shortened to  _ The Host _ by the community at large. You’ll usually find them only in the Underworld. Exceptions unfortunately do exist. Here are some important things of note: 

They are not well-recognized as a part of the game . Nothing references them, no abilities (with one exception), no vanilla items, nothing. Much like Others, there is little sign that these creatures actually exist-if you are lucky, some references may surface in Consort prophecies or warnings from your denizen if they can become a problem. Take them seriously. You’ll have no problem trying to fight them, though which leads to the other problem:

They give no grist and are difficult to kill . No matter if you want to, it’s not worth it to try killing them 95 times out of 100. They take quite a few hits from the strongest vanilla weapons in the game-Ahab’s Crosshairs takes a full minute of steady blasting to take out the weakest angels and that is the best gunkind has to offer. Think about that before going on the hunt.

There are different kinds of angels . General protip: The larger they are, the faster you want to run in the opposite direction. Generally they have roughly the same configuration, a glowing thing with arms, a mouth, wings and a stronger glow around the head. There may be eyes, but it’ll be in all the wrong places. It’s just  _ wrong _ .

They cannot leave the Underworld on their own . That does  **not** mean they  _ can’t, _ full stop. There are ways, but those generally involve glitches or player assistance.

They cannot or do not ever enter the Magicant . So this will be your fallback if something bad ever goes down with them and the incipisphere gets dangerous.

There is no individuality amongst them . While titles do exist, they are essentially all a part of the same generic gestalt of personality-or lack thereof.

There is a “Throne” or Ophanim for every aspect . This is one of the titles. Pray you never meet one. More information on those later.

Angel Consorts don’t have corruption, but they can get it . They’ve happened, I’ve heard some wild tales. But mostly, due to whatever Skaia-given shenanigans, angel consorts are actually helpful as any consort is, just weird. They occasionally pop up in Law, Light, Hope and Mist lands. Why is unknown. Just don’t attack them, nobody likes it when the consorts of a land are furious.

The most common name for their corruption is ‘silver’ . It’s just another name for angelwise corruption, but it makes sense to me, especially when you know of the anti-bacterial aspects of it and what happens when a human tries to drink it. (Don’t do that.)

These are just some basic facts, but more remains to be told. Which leads to the next topic of discussion.

**Why are Angels so bad?**

The game in many ways is quite realistic and has real repercussions upon paradox space and various realities and universes. The fact remains however that no matter how sophisticated it is, it is still a computer program, written in a programming language, able to be hacked, exploited and able to glitch, sometimes catastrophically. 

The angels are not of the game, but invaders, similar to how the Others exist outside the game. They are, like the Others, like a type of virus or malware. Where the Others will insert garbage, obscure and warp things by addition, the Host will work most often by scrubbing away things that don’t fit into their parameters, views and goals-in other words, negation and deletion. Unfortunately, that set of parameters exclude many things necessary to a healthy sense of self.

Angels’ lack of sense of self and single-minded drive spread to those exposed to them. Those who are exposed to their effects will find themselves feeling _ at first _ , more empathetic, more happy as they are letting go of personal things. They will be just as social, if not more than usual and protective of people at first. All this sounds like things that are good and in a measure, they may be if you view these things as beneficial. It can be very seductive.

The problem is that it doesn’t stop there and getting there involves erasing parts of their integral personality. You know how everyone has those tics and habits that makes them unique? And how  _ Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within _ looked subtly wrong? Well, imagine if someone took a turn from ‘actual functional being’ to ‘uncanny valley’-more like a rapidly degrading copy of themselves than who they are supposed to be.

Angels strip away what makes you, you. They are hollow beings and they will make anyone under their influence the same way and sometimes if it’s long-term, severe or recurrent, it will start erasing facets of personality and individuality. It can cause serious problems with the person and their physical as well as mental health.

**Where Are They Found?**

At various points of the player land, there are a certain number of entryways to “The Underworld.” This is separate from the Denizen Lair (which is also underground) and will always be obviously different. There will be various odd puzzles to solve to unlock each entryway, but they almost always open up once all have been unlocked. It is within that the Angels and their shrines can be found.

To get there, you have to open either three or seven gates. It varies between lands and games. Usually, to open one, it requires reflecting on a loss in your life. The advice usually given is to work from minor to major ones; keep in mind you cannot use the same twice in a session. Usually, unless something is wrong, only the land’s player can unlock the gates on their land. However, once open it can be used by anyone.

Once inside, congratulations! You have a shitty quest that’s a little shittier than the ones you have usually.

The angels won’t bother players who follow their laws. The problem with their laws is that they aren’t always the most intuitive. Some players can get it way easier than average, while others constantly screw up. Don’t feel bad if the screw up is you.That’s healthy. This questline is not supposed to be easy to complete.

**Angel Behavior and Facts**

Angels will, best case scenario, fly around your fake house at the center of your land. They’ll fly in various patterns that probably won’t make much sense. It’s painful and weird to look at, so  _ don’t do that _ . They also constantly cry glowing tears.  _ Don’t touch them _ .

Angels rarely but occasionally will act alone-mostly in cases of space only allowing one at a time. This is the loophole exclusion, not the usual affair at all. In most cases, they will not bother a player unless approached or a law within the Underworld is broken. When this happens, they’ll glow red and start screeching.

Angels do not make sounds that are coherent to a standard player. They sound like screeches and discordant screaming. The average angels are vaguely humanoid and have a head, torso, wings instead of arms and a joined tail where legs should be. They appear to have mouths but no eyes where they’re supposed to be. They glow very brightly white and radiate heat. They will be just a bit larger than the typical human or olive-blood for the most common version you’ll see. Nine times out of ten, there’s only one kind. If you can understand them (THIS IS A BAD SIGN), they’ll be obsessed with cleanliness and purity, as well as dedication and submission.

Angels will not bother you so long as you follow the Nine Iron Laws. They are supposed to be uncovered as you do the quest but they’re so weird and esoteric that I’ll just give you the whole set. The laws are actually thrown into your face, it just takes some time to decipher it from the stupid trash shrines.

The Iron Laws:

  1. Do not harm the Angels.
  2. Do not be or bring things of the Others.
  3. Do not make or cause loud sounds.
  4. Do not bring excessive water, drink sparingly.
  5. Do not sleep in the Underworld.
  6. Do not enter the Fake House.
  7. Do not take things of the Underworld out of it.
  8. Do not disturb the Hymn with any other rhythm or meter.
  9. Do not betray the Host.



These sound pretty reasonable in ways, some you’d never want to do. (Who would WANT to sleep in there?!) Others are absolutely not reasonable. You’ve probably noticed a scheme to the laws. They tell exactly what you are  _ not _ allowed to do. So long as you follow them, you should be alright usually. Destroying each of the trash shrines will banish one or more of the angels. Once you’ve gotten them all, you can get to the Fake House and claim the Land Heart, adding more to the pile for giving to the Genesis Frog. It’s a pretty hefty amount, so if you’ve fallen behind on boondollars, it’s critical to consider if the quest’s worth doing.

**The Infinite Host: Some More Facts**

The Host is referred to as infinite, endless in that there’s an uncountable number of them. There’s always more that can be made and they generate in roughly the same numbers when the planets are generated. The numbers are usually divisible to 3 or 7. Why those numbers? Beats me. Some kind of symbolism. They’ll sometimes possess items, sometimes stupid items. Like what the heck was with that rock? The Host aren’t geniuses, obviously. BEWARE OF EVIL ROCKS!

The Host has three big ranks, called Choirs. The low end third sphere has your grunts and weaksauce angels you often see-angels and Principalities. Principalities are actually associated with aspects for some reason. Reports say that there’s not been a Time principality in a long time, at least not one anyone has seen. It hasn’t been worth looking into what happened there.

The second sphere is when you have serious trouble: Powers, Virtues and Dominions. Those need to be navigated lightly around and if you see them, skip the damn underworld if you can. 

The first sphere however is the “leave the session, do not pass go or collect 200 grist” sort of deal: Thrones, Cherubim and Seraphim. These are things told only in legends and terrified stories. These guys are the equivalent of having a horrorterror for tea except they wanna burn out what makes you different. They are horrible, horrible news and everyone needs out, PRONTO. They are astonishingly rare, so you’re extremely unlikely to even meet someone who’s seen one.

But boubox, you say! That’s eight angel types, not nine! That is correct. The final one has never been seen, ever. Limited information is available and those that brought back information did so at a high, personal price. There are three archangels, or so the reports go. The three that actually have wills of their own. They’ve never been seen, they’ve never been heard of but research says that they exist. Somewhere. You will never meet one. You won’t survive if you do. So there’s no point in worrying about them.

**Corruption Signs and Preventative Measures**

Angels are like a malware or virus, like the Others. The Others often puppet or manipulate a Speaker-but to my knowledge, they do not actually possess them. Angels are different.

Any angel can join with a player-but it takes special circumstances.

There’s a number of things that can lead to corruption-suspiciously cheap powerful items, certain works and items. Contrast to assumptions, the King James Bible, its derivatives and statuary of guardian angels or putti won’t give you corruptive items by themselves. They can actually be pretty useful when combined for items. However, statues of more psychedelic angels, Evangelion angels, a physical copy of The Binding of Isaac and actual depictions of the things can be a bigger problem. (Note: The game itself is fine.) 

Some worlds may even have Infinite Host-influenced religions but they are extremely rare, same with worlds with Other-worshipping churches; don’t visit them unless you have to. Remember: a build grist of prevention is worth a boondollar of cure.

With this in mind, it can be easy to miss at first the earliest signs of corruption. You can watch for:

  * Inexplicable optimism or acceptance contrary to their priorly held views.
  * A need to be around people and unusual reluctance at being alone.
  * Less of a filter on talking than usual-lots of TMI.
  * Preference for well-lit areas or to keep their homes well-lit.
  * A reluctance or refusal to enter the Magicant when they aren’t Space or Space native.
  * Neglect of quests and land.
  * Exaggerated reactions to otherwise-tainted items
  * Avoiding cold water.



These are the most well-known early signs.This is a good time to intervene with hugs, going for dark movie sleepovers and trips to Derse or the veil if possible. Cool showers and going swimming may be advisable at that point.

Signs of moderate-to-high corruption:

  * Inflexibility, they can’t handle change.
  * Reduced interest in personal hobbies and tastes or a sudden change in such.
  * Yes Man-isms or No Man. They may become either unable to turn down or unable to accept suggestions. Both extremes are bad.
  * Sense Oversensitivity, especially to sound and darkness.
  * More willingness to be violent for what they want, even over mild things.
  * Hostility or extreme reactions to Otherwise-taint or the Magicant. Something about it just drives them nuts.
  * Reports that they feel cold in areas other players are comfortable.
  * Aquaphobia
  * Use of the plural pronouns “we” “us” - things like that.



Keep in mind, in this state, it’s time to take emergency measures. Dropkick to the head, empty their sylladex and put them in a blanket burrito somewhere dark, cold and damp. The same as above when they start coming down enough to not be a danger to themselves or others. They will run hot but long as they aren’t full-blown singers, there IS coming back from this, it just takes time. 

If you suspect you have some Angelic taint or corruption, take care. Take breaks. Find dark spaces and naps there. Hug your session mates and jam with your friend or moirail. You can and should take breaks during the Underworld segment. Talk to them about what’s going on, it’s good for you.

**The Underworld: Slightly Expanded**

GGTG did not talk about the Underworld much and for good reason, these quests suck. However, it is ENTIRELY OPTIONAL. If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to! But should you want to or the timeline requires you do (which sucks), the quests are actually largely straightforward. They’re only screwy just like everything else in the game and sometimes glitchy.

The first phase of course, is the opening. There are either three or seven doors. There’s no rhyme or reason to it being one or the other. They have designs on them like the frog temple that tell a story of something that was once whole but got shattered. At each gate, you are to recall something melancholy, something that brings a tear to your eye. These actually do have a name: The Gates of Night. Occasionally, you’ll find they’ve been opened or find a butterfly gate, which is the gates glitched together. They have the tiny insects that hang around the land swarming it. If you see glitch butterflies, it’s time to probably nope out.

Once inside, you’ll walk a long path into the depths of your planet. It’ll get hot and stuffy, get used to it. You’ll find that while entering can take a good, long walk; coming back up doesn’t seem to take much time at all. Once inside, it’s time for the second phase: discovering the laws. There are nine special shrines you can make your way to, they’re in a random order, but this is partially skippable because you don’t need anything now from that-you already know the laws thanks to this guide. It’ll be good to visit them, though if you’re interested in the story of the Underworld, it’s a beautiful story. You’ll also get a few titles and reward items that aren’t corrupted.

The third section is the trash altar destruction. Everything not a Law Shrine in the area’s trash and various stuff is made up into altars. If you pay attention, each of the altars have a theme to them. Things you like that aren’t good for you, things representing things you idealize too much-it’s stuff you need to tear down within your mind. The stuff you need to let go. Sometimes it’s just junk. While you go around, you’ll need to make sure you observe the laws and take plenty of breaks. Each trash shrine will dismiss one or more angels. They’ll go splat and disappear. When they’re all gone, the Nightmare Heir gong will sound from within the house. No worries, no shadow asshole you is inside. Common theory is that it represents you rejecting the core of the Nightmare Heir.   
  


Inside the house, you’ll need to go through the house and check the beds. One of them has the tablet that tells you how to get to the gong without breaking your neck. Just take your time. Once you’ve got it, you’re done. That’s it.

It’s weird, it’s kinda boring, the lessons suck to learn but can be useful and the angels suck. Have !!fun!!.

**The Hymn and its Singers** .

Saved the best for nearly last. I’ve broken it up into three sections to get some more facts past the ears of those who don’t listen. So listen well.

Chances are, if you are reading all this that you’ve already missed the initial window of relative sanity. A co-player may be already crazy or headed to the Underworld to finish the job of corrupting themselves into a Singer. If this is true, skip down. At this point, they cannot be held responsible for what they do-so comes the questions: what is happening to them? What is going on with their souls? First, let’s do a basic coverage of what corrupted items look like:

Minorly charged items with any kind of corruption that are often fallen back on by some folks for taking out Ohgodwhats and glitchy enemies, as well as a more surefire way of ending the Derse agents. A mildly charged item can be handy in a pinch, but it can become a crutch. They show one element of the corruption they show, but not very strongly. They’ll be a tiny bit cheaper than they should be but in general, they’re still expensive. They can also be handy for detecting corruption if in doubt. Those suffering corruption may feel relief in its presence or more relaxed. Corruption of the opposing sort will make the sufferer feel very restless or tense 

A moderately charged item should only be used in an absolute emergency. For example, someone prototyped angelic or other-charged items and you cannot for whatever reason make a journey. These can turn the tide of that battle but should be shunned. They’ll show multiple aspects of the corruption, they’ll glow and radiate heat mildly. (Otherwise crud does the opposite, it radiates shadows and is cold.) Sometimes a player may have a good reason for carrying such things but rarely.

A severely charged item should NEVER be used, for any reason. They are emblematic of the themes and aspects of the corruption flavor they are. They are as often weapons as outfits or armor. They burn or darken the world around them, there is no safe use of them, they spread corruption almost virally. Wounds will have residual corruption if it’s a weapon. Treat it like a biohazard.

When looking at these with various types of scrying abilities, particularly Heart, each type of corruption will show different impacts on the item and person. Where black corruption may add new stuff and garbage, Silver corruption will smooth, erase and make even. Harmony, purity, light-these are the bywords of angels and their influences. This often happens to folks under the influence, as well. The person will begin to lose themselves, their shinies will become less complex and ‘hollow.’ Their soul will seem burned or scorched; it will look quite painful but the person will remark that they feel pretty good, actually.

You ever wonder why you feel pain when you put your hand on a hot stove? You ever wonder what happens if you couldn’t feel that hot pain? Silver corruption is the answer and means. Despite the association with tears, silver corruption is associated with hot and dry, compared to the cold and damp of the Others. Those tears are glowing hot and you can be sure that it’s not doing anything nice to the body. There’s a good bit of physical damages. Silver can sometimes remain in the body, but usually, going through the door, kiss-revival or god-tiering can clear it. Sometimes it doesn’t. It makes things feel very fast, giving people often manic episodes or excessive talking, writing or will to create art. It may or may not be good, depending on the person. The person will be sensitive to cold, unable to retain body fat or muscle as well. Some may find their physical condition not so good because their metabolism got way too high. With abstaining, this phenomena does go away.

!!SINGERS!! EMERGENCY

There’s actually a few recognizable types of Singers. Some want their coplayers to join them. Some will try to murder their coplayers. Some raw few just want to stay in the underworld. No matter which, it’s not fun because if either you turn down becoming one of the collective or try to drag them out of their peaceful place, they will try to kill you. They are hideously dangerous, similar to Speakers. Unlike their counterparts, they are pretty predictable.

When a player goes underground and gives an angel permission to join with them, they will get a bunch of corruption (Even if it was at sufficient strength) and become possessed by an angel. The host can ONLY do this with permission! They cannot technically coerce a player into joining the Host. 

Once this has happened, the player has become a Singer of the Infinite Choir. They will take on a new name, likely one in theme to the angel. Many are vaguely religious, though none are directly so. They will claim this as a title, however not a name. They can no longer be said to be in control of themselves.

Despite being more potentially destructive towards players, silver corrupted players are not usually interested in the frog. It’s very rare that one might be, it does happen-but their first priority will be either bringing in other players to the fold or killing any that may be considered a barrier. Angels wish most to battle the horrorterrors and to seek for something. Something of some sort lies out there, though if that’s true or not who knows. They certainly believe it does and they will tear apart anything and anyone to find it, whatever it is. Some have reported it’s a light, a song, a flame or something of that sort. Probably not a good idea to let them find it if it is out there.

There’s a few ways to deal with Singers. You will likely need it to be a hit and run-but your first order of business is to run. The magicant is the one place the host never goes. Why, who knows. The magicant is weird, okay? Run there first. Nobody should face any corrupted player alone.

**Dealing, Healing and Aftercare**

The non-lethal means involves mildly corrupted rope. Basically any item that can cause otherwise charge+rope material will create the stuff. Squiddles will usually do the trick. Knock them out, tie them up, toss them into an ice-filled tub in a dark room until they stop shrieking at you. Also make sure you stay wet and cold, too. You can slowly also start hugging the corruption out and get a Heart player to start patching. A Blood player can help purge the silver crud, as will a Dust, Void or Light player. Hope and Law aren’t really useful here, sorry.

For lethal means, you can make with the stabbing and put them on their quest bed or dream crypt depending on if their dreamselves are alive or not. This method is known as tier-and-clear. If they are already godtier-the good news is that if you kill them, they stay down. The bad news is if you kill them, that’s a just death. They stay down. Weigh the options. Ask yourself if it’s worth the weight on your soul. Running is also an option if you must.

Once a survivor is brought down from the scary, silver place I recommend not asking innocent but unhelpful questions:

  * What were you thinking?
  * What was it like to sing?
  * Are you going to do it again any time soon?
  * Did you consider who you’d hurt?
  * Were you just careless or stupid?
  * Did you try not Singing?  
Why didn’t you talk to us?



Most of those, the cat’s already out of the bag. Either that or they’re not gonna be able to answer or the question will make them feel worse. For the sake of all involved, don’t bother with those questions. It’s done. Let it lie. No answer will ever help anyone out of those.

Once a player has stopped singing at you, keep them to dark places. Lots of hugs. Squiddle watching (but a little at a time). Talk about the things specific to them that are good, that are their interests that aren’t related to the angels. Get them into new hobbies, introduce them to new music, read poetry, play games together. Go play some Capchamon.

But most of all, make sure they know that they aren’t a burden. That it’s okay to have messed up. It’s not the end of the incipisphere. If you are a troll, they could probably use some moiraillegance and ashen affection. If they are a troll, try to get them with their moirail if they have one or find a volunteer rail for cuddling and feelings jams.

Support, friendship, making sure to build back pride in themselves and talents, as well as both rebuilding old interests and building up new ones can mean a lot to not having repeat episodes.

**Future Sessions: Facts about Ex-Singers**

Keeping up recovery after a session can be hard. Many times, people do not trust those who have given in to corruption. Part of this FAQ is to give the facts so that this bias and slew of misunderstanding can stop. There’s good reason for caution-but a lack of trust and hatred can speed up a relapse.

Fact: Most ex-singers do not want to ever be one again.

Survivors usually come out with a fear or distaste at the least after singing, if not outright hatred.

Fact: Most survivors either roll Heart or with a Heart co-player after.

Skaia looks after its own, best it can. Glitches happen but most survivors and those who’ve run into survivors and heard their story reported that between 60-70% of ex-Singers either rolled Heart or into a session with a Heart player. They were given the tools to heal their Shiny of the damage.

Fact: Silver corruption damage is less persistent.

It is easier to paint over a clear canvas than scrape off crap. While silver can remain, most times reconnecting to old hobbies and finding new ones can lead to a long (for Replayers) and healthy, silver-free life.

Fact: It is easy to avoid the Underworld and angels.

It’s an optional quest, folks. And angel consorts are extremely rare. It’s way harder to avoid Others, especially for Derse dreamers.

**Conclusion**

In the words of a fellow: STAY AWAY FROM THEM YOU LITTLE SHITS.

In a more eloquent method: There’s no reason to get near angels. There’s no reason to upset them or get involved with them. The Underworld’s skippable. It’s not really worth it. Even as someone who thinks they are beautiful, they are not worth touching. 

Be safe, good sense and good luck.

boundingBox, Native Seer of Heart

tenaciousTheseus, Native Bane of Law

Anonymous contributors


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